Stories: Ringo And The Terrorists
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| "RINGO AND THE TERRORISTS"
By JOHN ROBERT MALLERNEE
Last night, Ringo, the amazing border collie and star wonder dog, once again performed heroically, saving thousands of innocent lives.
High up in the night skies above the snow-covered Rocky Mountains in Colorado, a large group of swarthy, bearded terrorists, babbling incoherently, obviously intoxicated, and heavily armed with machine guns, grenades, and pocket rockets (my own invention - - - but still just a concept - - - could I get it patented and make a million dollars when somebody actually does invent one?) seized a United Southwest American Delta Airlines super-sonic Boeing 797 super-sized air bus, fully loaded with 6,000 passengers, 100 crew members, and a million pounds of high-octane jet fuel.
The bad guys struggled with the pilot, trying to take control of the plane, causing the aircraft to zip around through the air, spinning and tumbling, totally out of control.
In the meantime, the co-pilot, ill from airline food poisoning, had a heart attack and lost consciousness.
A brave stewardess fought with the terrorists, attempting to save a small infant the terrorists wished to sacrifice.
The terrorists opened the door of the plane, intending to shove the passengers out, without parachutes, one by one.
At that moment, the plane had crossed into Utah, still out of control, spinning around very close to the earth, as it flew over the Rocking G Ranch.
Ringo, the amazing border collie and star wonder dog, began excitedly barking and running, thinking that this strange phenomenon must be some new kind of game being provided just for his amusement.
As the United Southwest American Delta Airlines super-sonic Boeing 797 super-sized air bus almost touched the ground near the barn, Ringo leapt into the open door of the plane, knocking two of the terrorists out of the door, where they slammed into the snow-covered cow pasture filled with cow manure, bouncing three times, and finally coming to rest, hanging by their suspenders on the horns of a very surprised and unhappy Angus bull.
With a menacing snarl, Ringo quickly charged the terrorist who had a large knife raised high in the air, preparing to sacrifice a baby.
But the terrorist was thwarted and the baby was saved, because Ringo always took good care of his teeth, just in case they were needed for something like this.
Ringo stopped just long enough for a sweet "Thank You!" kiss from the grateful stewardess, and then he stormed into the cockpit, battling the terrorists, and figuring out how to fly a very large aircraft with four furry paws, a cold wet snout, and a bushy waggy tail.
After defeating the terrorists (they were so intimidated by Ringo's snarling fangs, that they either parachuted out or surrendered to the passengers and crew), Ringo began experimenting, and found he could almost operate the flight controls.
He placed his hind paws on the rudder pedals and used his forepaws and snout to move the stick.
Since he needed some help, Ringo pulled back on the stick to gain altitude.
With the plane safely high above the earth once more, Ringo began licking the face of the unconscious co-pilot, and blowing his puppy dog breath into the co-pilot's nose, as he used his forepaws to knead the man's chest.
This revived the co-pilot, who then took the aircraft controls and safely landed the plane in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Ringo was a hero, surrounded by news photographers, dignitaries awarding medals and plaques, Hollywood movie moguls, and excited children, but all Ringo wanted was to get back to the Rocking G Ranch, where he could eat kibble, dig up bones, chase his very own personal kitty cat, and chase birds, butterflies, and fallen leaves skittering across the ground.
So, Ringo, the amazing border collie and star wonder dog, snuck away from the adoring fans, and trudged up over the snowy Wasatch Mountains, through blizzards and gales, across the high desert, over still more mountains and hills, until he arrived back at the Rocking G Ranch, which made the kitty cat rather unhappy.
Then, I woke up and fixed myself some breakfast. |
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